Birth Q&A (Part 2/2): Postpartum, Motherhood, and How I Asked for Support

I LOVE how much you ladies love these Q&As that I do, so today is a part two for you!! Part one was all about how I prepared for my dream home birth (will link it here for you ICYMI!!)... now let’s go for a round two, shall we? ;)

 

In this edition of your juiciest questions, we're talking postpartum, early motherhood, and how to ask for all the support for yourself... let's dive in!

 

Q: How are you doing?

 

A: Considering the fact that I am a new mum, I feel like I'm doing really well. But truly, this is only possible because I've used my voice and asked for help.

Obviously, Hal and I have had to communicate a lot more as we navigate this time in our relationship. I've asked for support in getting extra sleep during the night. Because even though having a nap during the day is great, it's not the same as feeling like you got a good night's sleep.

As you all know, my parents were here for the first nearly 4 weeks of Tripp's life, and that was extremely helpful. I also know that I would not be feeling this good if I didn't have my extremely flexible mindset, intense nervous system regulation practices, all of the trauma healing that I've done (this is so essential), the support that we have, and the fact that I am not being a people pleaser right now.

Whilst some moments are, of course, more challenging than others, I am overall really happy.

Q: How are you and little man doing? Did you ever feel like you could love someone this much?

A: Not every day is the same, but overall we're doing really well! I can't help but intuitively think that it's because of not only the way I set myself up for postpartum, and how I am prioritising building my strength again, but also the fact that my birth went exactly how I wanted it to be. It was so peaceful, calm, and not traumatising, and that massively impacts your body's ability to recover and breastfeed, as well as your mental state and more.

In regards to loving someone so much... I mean, I was expecting it because people had told me ahead of time, but obviously, it's not the same as experiencing it myself. Even when I'm super exhausted, when he gives me his giggles and smiles at me, and we have a little chat, it's like my sleep exhaustion and splitting headache just disappears.

Q: What is the most difficult part of postpartum?

 

A: I don't think "difficult" is the right word to use for this, but the things that I've had to practice the most are flexibility and patience. For example, Tripp was really good at napping in the bassinet for like 2-3 hours during the day, and now he will only contact nap. I could choose to be frustrated, or I could choose to embrace flexibility and remind myself that I will miss this one day. You have to choose the latter if you don't want to go mentally insane.

Q: What gifts do you feel motherhood is activating? You are glowing!

 

A: Thank you! Here are the gifts I feel motherhood is activating in me:

• The most intense level of productivity that I don't think I would ever be able to feel without motherhood.

• My intuition has increased tenfold. This actually started for me during pregnancy! I've always had a really strong intuition, and I've always been clairvoyant/claircognisant/clairsentient, but now it's like my ego can't even get in the way if it tried. My intuition just feels 10 times stronger, and I'm really excited to use this for my clients as well as for myself. I've always used my intuition a lot in client sessions, especially when they ask for a channeling session. I know this will also help in running my events, because no event is the same as every room of women is different and I tune into the needs of each specific group.

• Of course, my embodiment and everything that I teach is growing to a new level as motherhood really does throw a challenge in things. For example: polarity, self-commitment, etc.

• I also just feel like I'm more clear on what I want, and not f*cking around with any of the noise and how to get there. Olivia and I have been voice messaging back-and-forth with all of the ideas that are coming through, and it feels so good to just feel very clear on how I want to do things and not give into any of the noise in the industry.

 

Q: How has your body changed before/during/after pregnancy?

 

A: As I'm only 8 weeks postpartum at the time of answering this, I'm not sure about how it has changed long-term. But, obviously my body looks different now than it did on my wedding day. I definitely have weight to lose and can't wait to be able to fit into all of my clothes, as I'm simply not willing to buy a whole new wardrobe! The biggest body changes right now in early postpartum are my huge boobs and not having a flat stomach.

I started postpartum rehab exercises four days after I gave birth, because I'm not f*cking around with this. Obviously, they were super gentle recovery exercises. Now that I've got my full strength back, I'm doing what I did before. I'm not doing anything crazy. I'm simply just in the same eating habits and workout routine that I was in before I got pregnant and all throughout my pregnancy. So, I know my body will go back to what it was before.

But the biggest thing I'm focusing on right now is not just exercise and healthy eating; it's stress reduction. My body is super sensitive to stress, and a regulated nervous system will cause your body to hold onto weight.

I also want to say that I was very intentional during my pregnancy about not using it as an excuse to let myself go. No judgment if that's what you want to do, I just knew that I would regret that postpartum. I feel my best when my body feels light and I fit into my fabulous clothes! There was absolutely no depriving myself of food. In fact, I've never eaten so much in my life as I did when I was pregnant, because I was constantly starving, especially during trimester three. It actually was a joke how much food I was eating. But, I made sure that I was really focusing on eating really healthy food, and lots of protein. I also was exercising 90% of the days and in my third trimester I was walking every single day on top of doing pilates most days as well.

So, whilst my body has changed and I have a bit of weight to lose, I know that it will happen quickly and easily because of how I looked after myself during pregnancy. Except for my boobs, I'm in no rush for them to get smaller because they are keeping our son fed and healthy!

Q: How do you prevent saggy skin postpartum?

 

A: I was going balls to the wall during my pregnancy on upping my collagen and gelatin intake, and I'm happy to announce that I have zero stretch marks! I really didn't want to get any, and my belly was absolutely huge by the end of pregnancy. I honestly wasn't going to be surprised in our baby was 10 pounds at birth because of how big my belly was!

I know people say that stretch marks are genetic, and I'm sure that's a component, but like anything genetic you actually have to "turn on" the gene. I actually thought that I was going to get a few stretch marks because of the genetic factor, and I didn't get a single one. My skin on my stomach also doesn't seem to be very "thinned" if that makes sense. I'm sure after having more kids it will be, but right now, I'm really happy with how my skin looks post-pregnancy.

Q: Tips for deciding when to ask for help vs. just doing it yourself?

A: In the early weeks, ask for everything. I was asking for water, food, the remote, air con to be put up, etc. If I didn't have to get up, I wasn't.

Then, as time went on and I WANTED to get my own water, etc., I was.

You'll figure out what you want to just do yourself, and that's probably going to be things you're really particular on. But I also encourage you to be a bit flexible (eg: I like my scrambled eggs a certain way, but was I complaining when Hal brought me his scrambled eggs in bed? No. I was just grateful for the healthy food to start my day!). I really had to practice letting go of some things I'm anal about, such as the perfect ratio of water and electrolytes, haha.

Also, 1000000% get help for cooking, cleaning, laundry, helping settle the baby, and taking the baby in the morning (if you want) so you can get two more hours of sleep.

Q: What kind of support do you think could be helpful if your parents can't help?

A: 100% hire a postpartum doula. She will do laundry, tidy the house, help with the baby if needed/wanted, give you advice, make you meals, etc.

And for anyone who thinks, "I can't afford that, that's a privilege I don't have," our doula costs about $500 for 12 hours of her time. Think about how much crap you're buying for the nursery that costs even more than $500. This is such an easy thing as well to get family and friends to put money towards instead of buying more stuffed animals.

And nonetheless, in the whole grand scheme of things, $500 is absolutely nothing when it comes to your sanity and ability to be an amazing mother, have your body heal, and your milk come in with ease (stress really impacts your milk supply).

Before you go into labour or even get to 38 weeks, cook as much food as you can and put it in the freezer. I basically just started doubling dinners and would put half of it in the freezer. I even made my healthy chocolate chip cookies and blueberry muffins (find my signature recipes HERE and HERE) and put them in the freezer too for when I wanted a treat postpartum!

If any of your friends are good cooks, then ask them to make food for you or even just supply the recipe, and they can bring over food and leave it at the front door without needing to see you or the baby.

Q: We have zero family members who live near us. So we're navigating the first 4 weeks postpartum completely solo. My parents are flying in 4 weeks after baby is born, and will visit for a week. Maybe I should look into postpartum doulas?

 

A: Yes, you absolutely should! Ours was $500 for 12 hours of time that you can spread out over three-hour chunks. In my mind, that is completely reasonable, especially when you consider how much crap people buy for the nurseries they never use.

Also, do as much cooking as you can while you're still pregnant, and freeze it to eat after the baby is born. That's what I did, and I also wrote out a full list of instructions for Hal on how to cook each frozen thing.

Also, call on your friends! Just flat out ask people for help, because frankly, if they don't want to help in the way they can, even if it's just for a few hours after work or before work, they're not a good enough friend in my mind. If I were living near you and didn't have a new baby myself, I would 100% be helping you!

Q: What if I just want it to be me and my significant other once we come home from the hospital? My mother-in-law wants to stay for a few days, but I feel like I won't be able to relax and bond with her there.

A: I wanted the exact same thing (no one coming to the house for 1-2 days after birth so we could just be in our bubble). I was so adamant about this, and our immediate family knew. Then, guess who texted my mum and mother-in-law at 4 AM asking if they could come over as soon as they woke up?

What I realise now, upon reflection, is that I really just didn't want any pressure of other people being at the house and wanting to hold him if I didn't want that. I needed to give myself permission to allow people to come over (that I wanted over) that were purely there to help, not to just meet the baby and talk to me.

I would see if your mother-in-law could please stay in a nearby hotel. That way, you guys can have your own space when you need it, but she'll still be close. You don't want any kind of pressure of needing to entertain/not be your authentic self/have your authentic experience before you go into labour. You may end up actually wanting her to stay there, but that way, you don't feel the pressure ahead of time.

For example, my parents got their own house, and then they were going to swap to a nearby hotel. They had only gotten the house for the first two weeks of their visit. They ended up staying with us in our second guest room down in the basement because I wanted the help from them to be that close, and they were here all day anyway, often until 10 PM helping with nighttime.

But ahead of them coming, they were getting their own place and then the pivot happened. Only once I realised just how much help I needed from them and what felt right in the moment.

Obviously, every family is different, and this definitely wouldn't work for everybody, but if it helps, I was very surprised that I wanted them to literally move in and that I didn't get sick of them. Being in that early newborn phase truly changes things!

Q: Where is your bra from, and what are you using to cover the nipples?

A: My nursing bras are from Embrace and Juem, and I love them! It was so hard for me to find any cute nursing bras until I came across these brands. Why do most nursing bras out there have grandma vibes with thick straps?!! Are people not wearing cute clothes whilst breastfeeding? Like, is nobody wanting to look/feel cute and sexy postpartum?

And then for my boob pads, I'm using reusable cotton pads that I got from Amazon, and they are a lifesaver because my boobs leak like a motherfcker!

Q: Not a question, but Tripp looks soooo healthy!

 

A: Okay, so he was 8 pounds and 6 ounces when he was born. Two weeks later, he was over 10 pounds. So he's probably about 12 pounds right now, given how fast he's growing and the fact that most of his clothes are about to be too small for him (size 0-3 months)!

I'm also making this assumption based on the fact that I'm pretty sure my left shoulder has been popped out of place because of how heavy he is! He absolutely loves his milk, haha!

I'm very grateful that he's so healthy and happy. I also know that it's not just a fluke, it's because of the conception prep that both Hal and I did (which I talk all about in this podcast episode!), as well as how I looked after myself during pregnancy (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually), his birth, breastfeeding, and also that we use absolutely no toxic products on his perfect skin (find my fav non-toxic baby products HERE).

Q: How do you feel about having a Cancer boy?

A: For those who have followed me for a while, I always joked that I didn't want a Cancer child, but I knew I'd end up with one. He's actually a double Cancer and a rising Capricorn, so I realllllly got the Cancer.

Honestly, I don't care what his zodiac is. I love him so much. AND I'm actually really happy about it. I feel like he's the perfect blend of Hal and me. He's also a manifesting generator in human design, so I love that.

I'm excited to raise a strong, masculine man who's also empathetic and deeply caring like his daddy. He's going to teach me a lot, as I have no Cancer in my astrology chart, and his chart is SOOOO different from mine (I'm all fire and earth signs). I always knew deep down that I'd have a Cancer because it's what I need for my own growth and evolution. I mean, Jelly and Butter (my dogs) are both Cancers too! So clearly, I've surrounded myself with them as I subconsciously know I need them.

 

If there’s one thing I’ve learned during this postpartum season, and what I hope you takeaway from this post, it’s that asking for all the support is the best thing you can do for yourself. 

 

Ask for what you need. Let others help you. Allow your body to soften. Let your nervous system breathe. You don't need to be perfect or have motherhood all figured out. You'll learn as you go! You just need to feel supported so you can show up as the most regulated, present, and radiant mum for your sweet baby. Trust that the rest will take care of itself.