About Me

Becoming HER

I wasn’t always this woman.
There was a time when I prided myself on being hyper-independent. I wore my burnout and masculine armour like a badge of honour. I truly felt that in order to be worthy, enough, successful, and high performing, I had to be more like a man.

I didn’t trust men; I felt that anything to do with more traditional feminine qualities was “weak,” and I didn’t trust myself.

I was the woman who looked like she “had it all figured out and all together.” But underneath that faade I was stuck in a fight and flight response. I was cold, bitter, resentful, and secretly ashamed of how much I longed to be claimed and cherished by a man. From the outside, I was a good feminist woman, but in my heart (deep down), I so badly wanted to be pushed up against a wall and taken. I wanted my body to melt into him and not feel like I had to always protect myself and hate men.

My body was screaming at me with many physical issues, but I ignored them. I thought it was all part of being a woman.

After years of period issues, endometriosis symptoms, and being told “everything looks normal,” I came off the pill and lost my period entirely. At 20 years old, I was premenopausal. Nothing made sense and no doctor or naturopath could figure out my case. Until I realised that it was all energetic and a manifestation of my trauma.

My body didn’t feel safe. I was living like a man, running on empty and blissfully unaware of how angry I was from past experiences that I hadn’t processed.

I then had a life-altering ski accident that left me unable to walk.

I had no choice but to receive, to ask for help, and to surrender in a way that made relaise just how much of life I was missing out on. That being Miss Independent wasn’t making me deeply happy or increasing my joy. It was stripping me of it.