How to Stop Chasing Your Purpose and Let It Find You

We put so much pressure on ourselves to figure it all out: the job, the business, the life purpose, the 10-year plan. And if you’re anything like the women I work with, you’re probably in that loop of searching for the thing that finally makes it all make sense. You’re waiting for the "TA-DA" moment, hoping one morning you’ll just wake up and know… like the clarity will finally land and all the puzzle pieces will all click.

But here’s my hot take... Purpose doesn’t work like that. It’s not something you find. It’s something you follow.

If you're thinking, “One day I’ll wake up and just know what I’m here to do,” I love you… but no. That’s not how it works. 

That’s not how I found mine. There was no divine download and no big "a-ha" moment. Honestly, I’ve always just followed what felt “on purpose” in the moment, even when I knew it wasn’t meant to last forever. (I'll dive deeper into this in a bit!)

Purpose isn’t always joyful or comfortable. And it definitely isn’t always clear.

We’ve been sold this idea that when you’re “in alignment,” life will feel magical, easy, and effortless every single day. But that’s not real. That’s not human. That’s not the full truth. Running your own business, living in alignment, and following your purpose—it’s not the easy path. It’s actually the one that requires the most integrity, self-trust, and resilience.

And let me also say this, loud and clear: Not everyone is meant to run their own business, and that’s okay. There’s freedom in working for someone else. There’s purpose in teaching, in creating, and in building someone else’s vision if it’s aligned for you. The idea that you have to be an entrepreneur to live a meaningful life is not only false, it’s harmful.

So then the big question becomes, how do you actually find your purpose? Let’s make it tangible:

1. Heal your trauma.

If your nervous system is dysregulated, you won’t be able to hear your intuition. It’s like trying to tune into a whisper while your body is screaming in survival. You don’t need another mindset shift. You need safety in your body. You can’t think your way into your purpose.

2. Stop people-pleasing.

People-pleasing will have you living a life your parents, your partner, or society wants for you... not you. If you’re not careful, you’ll build someone else’s dream and call it your own.

3. Stop trying to “find” it.

That pressure of trying to "figure it all out" will keep your purpose out of reach. It’s like going shopping for the perfect dress and finding nothing, but then stumbling upon the perfect one when you’re not looking. Purpose needs space to land. It comes in when you’re relaxed, receptive, and not controlling.

The “it should feel like a f*ck yes or f*ck no” narrative? Honestly, I call BS. Sometimes your “yes” is soft. Sometimes it’s quiet. Sometimes it comes with a whole lot of hesitation. But your body and your soul know. The ego will try to jump in with logic, fear, and reasons why it’s not smart or safe, but your deeper knowing doesn’t need to shout. It’s steady, subtle, and always there.

4. Follow the breadcrumbs.

That's what I did! My whole business started with a freaking food blog. Yup. It was called "In My Bowls" (side note, I still hate the name). That was back in 2015, and even then, deep down, I knew... this isn’t it. But I still felt pulled toward it at the time. It lit me up. It gave me energy. And I fully showed up for it, until it didn’t feel right anymore.

Then, my food blog led to hormone healing... which led to feminine energy work... which led to trauma healing... which led to what I do now! I never had a big master plan. I just followed what sparked curiosity and what gave me energy. And only in hindsight did it all make sense.

That’s the thing about purpose. It’s not a major moment where the clouds part and lighting strikes down. It’s a whisper, a breadcrumb, and it always evolves. And just because something doesn’t last forever doesn’t mean it wasn’t meant for you in that chapter of your life.

5. Rewire your nervous system for safety.

Clarity comes through your body, not your mind. If you’re gripping, controlling, or trying to get it “right,” your intuition will go quiet. This is why Queen Alchemy is actually the best space for women trying to find their purpose. Not because I give you a 10-step plan, but because we regulate your nervous system, reconnect you to your truth, and strip back the noise that’s been drowning out your inner knowing. Remember, purpose doesn’t respond to pressure, it responds to your presence.

So instead of asking, “What am I meant to do with my life?” Ask:

• What feels like a nudge right now?
• Where can I stop grasping and start trusting?
• What would I do today if I weren’t trying to get it “right”?

And then do that thing. Follow that breadcrumb. Let your body lead.

If you’re ready to release the pressure, regulate your system, and reconnect with your feminine knowing in a deep and embodied way, Queen Alchemy is your space. Because you don’t have to figure it all out. You just have to come home to yourself.