My Daily Non-Negotiables as a Present, Devoted Mum

I'm over a year into motherhood now (seriously, how is Tripp 16 months old already?!). I'm still breastfeeding, running my business as the female breadwinner, and I've found my groove again. Now that Tripp is older, he’s more in a rhythm, I'm more in a rhythm, and I know him so much better now.

So I want to share my daily non-negotiables, the things that keep me regulated so I can be the present, devoted mum I want to be. I've been doing most of these for ages, and they'll probably shift in six months, which brings me to the most important one.

Psst... want the voice note version of this post? Listen to this super juicy podcast episode. ↓

My most important non-negotiable is flexibility.

A friend staying with us recently told me everything in our house feels really calm. And I said to her, we have a routine, but I'm not gonna drive myself nuts if he's in bed 15 or 30 minutes later than usual because a friend popped by or because we want to play outside with the chickens. We need to be able to enjoy life, and flexibility is key for doing so.

What I see in some mums is they become so neurotic about routines. Every kid is different, and I fully validate that; what works for us won't work for everybody. But being super anal about structure and control makes me f*cking miserable. I don't want to be that mum. It makes me cranky, he gets stressed, then I'm stressed, and no one's having fun with that.

So if he's meant to have a two-and-a-half-hour nap and he wakes up after an hour and will not go back to sleep, I'm not gonna stand there forcing him. We'll do a quick cat nap later in the day. I don't really care.

This matters for more than the vibe in the house. When you're in a chronically stressed state trying to control everything, you hold onto weight and you age faster, because stress creates more oxidative damage in the body. You know those friends who seem to have aged so fast as soon as they had kids? It's not the kids. It's the stress.

My routine also changes as Tripp grows and changes. We used to go for long walks in the stroller, until he started standing up and trying to surf in it, which was not a fun walk for him or for me. So now I do shorter walks, about 20 minutes in the morning and again in the evening, on the same loop. That's me surrendering to what makes him happy right now, because if he's happy, I'm happy.

What works for me in this season of life is gonna be different to what works in six months' time, and that's the whole point. When your child goes into a new season of life, you go into a new season as well.

Keeping flexibility in mind, of course, here are my morning non-negotiables.

Right now, I don't have a morning routine that I do before Tripp wakes up because I wake up with him. We’re up between 6 and 6:30 most days and our nanny arrives at 9, so we have a few hours together before work.

Electrolytes and a spicy ginger shot. The first thing I have is my electrolytes, then a ginger and lemon shot, a very spicy one. I make them at home in a batch about every two weeks, so they're always in the fridge.

Feeding my ravenous child. Tripp wakes up absolutely ravenous, like screaming in the bed basically, so we have got to get food into this child's mouth. He'll have Greek yoghurt and cinnamon, a slice of my paleo bread, or some gelatin gummies. I'll often have one of my gelatin gummies too, especially if I've woken up really hungry. It takes away the hunger until we're back from our walk and I make eggs.

Pilates while he plays. I'll very often do a 30-minute Pilates session while he's playing around me. Sometimes I'll do less depending on how I'm feeling, like if I'm really tired, if I'm on my period, if I'm deep in luteal or if I have a lot going on. My absolute favourite classes are through The Pilates Class (you can use code MONICA20 for 20% off a month!).

A walk and some sun. We go for our walk and get some sun. We also spend some time with our new chickens in the backyard. Tripp is absolutely obsessed with them!

Baking or dinner prep. I'm baking at least every second morning now, either my banana bread, which is gluten-free and dairy-free, or my paleo bread. I don't even put maple syrup in the banana bread anymore because Tripp eats it, and I'm keeping his sugar extremely low so he doesn't develop a really intense sweet tooth. He's eating so much food that the paleo loaf I made two days ago is nearly gone, mostly because of the one-year-old, which is hilarious. Other mornings I do some dinner prep instead.

Breakfast together. I make his three eggs and an avocado, and I have three eggs too, with avocado sometimes or smoked salmon. I'm eating breakfast a lot earlier than I used to, and I'm really enjoying it.

Dry brushing and face rituals. I'll dry body brush if I remember, sometimes just downstairs with Tripp. After I've showered and put my face oil on, I do gua sha, facial massage, or facial cupping (I love facial cupping), and then my makeup.

Coffee, meditation, and work. When our nanny arrives, I go get ready for the day, get dressed, make sure I've drunk plenty of water, and then I have a coffee with collagen in it. Once I'm in my office, I'll do a little meditation most mornings. I'm getting back into that routine because I basically haven't done it for a year. Sometimes I'll journal if that feels right, and then I get into work for the day.

My evening routine is now more of my routine time than my morning, because in the morning I'm with him.

Our evening walk. After the nanny leaves, we go for a walk every single evening. I really don't like it when it rains, because he needs his walk every afternoon and I need it too. It's just regulating. I love getting outside; it's grounding.

Dinner together, one meal. I make dinner with him and we eat at about 6:30, a lot earlier than I used to, and I really enjoy it. And I refuse to cook a different meal for my child. That's just not happening. I'm already cooking for three people, so why would I add that onto my plate as a mum? Even when he started solids, he'd get a piece of the lamb chop or steak we were having that night to chew on, and I'd pull some veggies out of our stir-fry and blend them with a stick blender. People comment on what a good palate Tripp has, and I'm like, isn't this just a normal palate? I'm not gonna give him bland food.

Bath, books, bed. Then it's bath time, we read books, and I get him down.

Chamomile and supplements. I wash my face and have a chamomile tea before bed, always. I take all my supplements at night, because the mornings are too chaotic and I just forget, and if I take too many in the morning I feel kind of sick. It's just what works for me. Do what works for you. (All the supplements I recommend are on my favourite products page.)

Early to bed, with a book. I've been really diligent about getting into bed early and reading in bed, which has been really, really regulating and really nice. Maybe legs up the wall or a stretch if I feel like it or if I remember.

A cool room. Our room is always at 66°F, which turns out to be nearly 19°C. Friends think that sounds freezing, but it's actually not cold at all, and a cool room is so important for getting a deeper sleep.

As much as I can, I focus on bringing my son into my life whilst he's awake, and filling my cup whilst he sleeps.

Why are we trying to only look after ourselves when we're not with our kids? I take Tripp everywhere with me. If I want to go to Home Depot, we're going to Home Depot. If I need to go to the supermarket, we're going to the supermarket.

I'm not doing laundry and cooking whilst he's asleep. Whilst he's asleep, I'm looking after myself, doing what I want to do, and filling my cup. I don't feel guilty or lazy for watching TV in the middle of the day while he naps, because I've stopped associating being productive all the time with my value or my worth.

The laundry and the cooking get done whilst he's awake, because he does them with me. That's called living. We make them fun and he loves it. He even comes to the toilet with me and thinks it's the best thing ever, because he's with mum. He's involved in my life as it is, versus me feeling like I have to change my life to suit him.

When we go to the park, I bring my lemon water or a cup of tea, and I wear a cute outfit so I can get my legs tan whilst he's on the swing. I'm making it fun for me too, and at this age they find anything fun as long as they're with mum.

Asking for help is a very important part of my routine.

Becoming a mum has made me a better version of myself, because I see the value in putting myself first, in exercising and going to the sauna, and looking after my body. When I don't feel my best, I'm not my best self for him either.

So I speak up. When I'm really tired, or my capacity has been stretched, or I'm on my period and absolutely wiped come bedtime, I'll say, "Hal, can you please do bedtime? Can you please take him for two hours? I need to go do this." Or I'll ask my mother-in-law to step in.

I have no problem asking for help, because asking for help is what allows me to be the best mum for Tripp and the best feminine energy in our house. That's actually our duty as mothers, to be our best self so we can be the best self for our child.

Honestly, sometimes I miss being able to do whatever the f*ck I want whenever I want, but the level of joy I have in my life now is something I could never have experienced without having a child.

I smile so much every day now. I'm laughing multiple times a day. That's what these non-negotiables protect for me: being regulated enough to actually feel the joy motherhood brings me.

Of course, everyone is different, so my non-negotiables may not be right for you, but I encourage you to find the daily routines and practices that help you feel anchored, regulated, and feminine throughout the busy days of motherhood. And obviously, always leave room for flexibility and ask for all the support you need!

And whilst we're on the topic of support, I'm so excited to introduce you to The Mother Concierge: Holiday Edition. This is my done-for-you Christmas systems (plus a live masterclass) for ambitious mothers who want to create the most magical holiday for the ones they love without it feeling like the most stressful time of the year.

This is how you make this a Christmas you can actually be present for and enjoy.