The Blog Archives

186: How to get through a breakup 101

186: How to get through a breakup 101


This is an episode for men and women.

My question for you is, was the breakup conscious or reactive?

Reactive = there's been some form of an explosion (e.g. an argument)

Conscious = being responsive to what is happening or not happening in the relationship. You're coming from a heart felt space, you understand this relationship is no longer serving you and you wish to end it.

Ask yourself, what could I have done better or differently in this relationship? You learn things about yourself when you're in a relationship.

Ask yourself, did I bail out of this relationship out of a reaction and/or self sabotage, or was the relationship not in alignment anymore?

If it's not in alignment anymore, there would be a discussion about it, there would be some form of clarity about the ending of the relationship that would make it a lot more healing.

Break-ups can be really hard when there's blow-ups, a lack of clarity, a lack of communication. This is what makes people feel that they spiral after a relationship because one person has bailed from the relationship. Out of respect for yourself, and the other person, never bail. It's not nice for both parties. Everyone deserves respect and clarity, especially if you've had some beautiful memories with this person.

The next thing I want you to understand is the grieving process. You need to let yourself grieve. Grieve what could have been and the way you felt when you were with them. The more that you let yourself get into the depths of despair for a weekend, the quicker you will heal. That doesn't mean that you won't think about them, it just means you will get less triggered or start crying randomly when you think about them.

The best way to heal your heart and keep your heart open is to grieve so you can release all that pain.

Get into your feeling of worth. Have clarity within yourself about the kind of person that you want to date. And embody this.

I have met a lot of soulmates and manifested them in really quickly. Just because they didn't work out, doesn't mean that I was forgotten. I believe that we have about 10 soulmates. And, in these soulmates I believe you need certain soulmates to activate, discover and open something within yourself to get to the next and final soulmate. I want us to get out of this idea of 'you have 1 person in the world' because it's a scarcity mindset.

Stop looking for this insane firework relationship (because generally this is a trauma bond). Start looking for safety, security and a man that is good.

If you need help with dating, men, breakups, feeling more secure, the ups and downs, you need to understand the opposite sex. So for women, you need to join Be A Lover Not A Mother. For men, you need to join The Man. It will change your life to understand your partner.