The Blog Archives

164: Understanding the differences between how men and women date

164: Understanding the differences between how men and women date


This is a generalisation for masculine men and feminine women. So, the actions that I'm talking about are mainly for men and women who are not deeply 'conscious' about everything. I highly dislike when people say they're in a 'conscious relationship' as it has this energy of 'my relationship is better than your relationship'.

Every man is different so I'm making mass generalisations.

In this episode:

I'm really honing in on primal differences, how our brains operate and how this effects us in the dating world.

This is a teaser of what you'll be learning in the new module of Be A Lover, Not A Mother. FYI, I'm not going to be repeating myself in this module, this podcast is essentially pre-work.

So, let's get into it...

Today I'm talking about understanding the differences between how men and women date. I've been really noticing this lately, as we're all starting to date again coming out of Covid. Dating is fun and I'm enjoying this little bit of time that I have to explore dating different people - I've done some good market research for you all ;)

I love to continue these conversations with my male friends about the difference between men and women. I love asking them questions to see the communication differences in scenarios. Give this a go with your male friends, as it's SO INTERESTING.

Our primal brain is the part of us that is just worried about fucking, food, fighting and fleeing. Our primal brains do not take into consideration the things that our hearts do; compassion, love, warmth, tenderness, patience and trust.

When you're making choices from your primal brain, you're often tying to get relief from some type of tension or issue that you currently have. E.g. he hasn't texted you, so you feel tension in your body and you try and get a relief from that by going into an avoidant attachment style (side note - listen to episode 154: attachment styles 101, why are you avoidant or anxious in a relationship?) When your primal brain is ramped up, you can't listen to your heart because your primal brain is so loud.


Men's primal brains (the hunter) mean that their bodies feel safe when they are alone. They are the leaders, the protectors, the providers. That is how they are wired in their truest essence.

Womens primal brains are wired for connection, intimacy, love, safety in the masses. So our primal brains as women fear rejection, being alone and when we have a threat of rejection it's because our brains are fearing death. That's why women tend to be people pleasers more than men because if we say no to a friend or a boundary, then we get really stressed and anxious.

Whilst both men and women have the same desire for partnership and love, we have different primal brains that make us do things that our hearts aren't necessarily wanting.

So when a man is feeling stressed, he'll want alone time whilst a women would want intimacy. For example, you'll notice this when having an argument with your partner. To a man, space or silence doesn't equal danger.

Women who are healed of major traumas, have an intimate capacity for intimacy. Men don't have the same need.

Men and women have a different amount of white and grey matter. Men have 6.5x more grey than women have, and women have 10x more white matter compared to men. This is why women will be more emotional and men more logical. Our brains do have a difference, it's silly for you to assume that you are dating someone with the same brain (unless you're actually dating the same sex).

Of course, there's going to be other things that impact how you relate to someone including trauma, upbringing, belief systems, values etc.

We date differently. Men date, women get into relationships. After 3 dates, women start to expect things because we are emotional beings who get attached. Very often, we don't get attached to the person, we get attached to the situation, the fun that we're having, how safe we feel, and enjoying the feeling of them protecting and providing for us. At this same stage, men are simply enjoying "getting to know" the person their dating.

Be A lover not a mother:

For further expansion, I highly recommend joining BLNM.

Enrolment is open Thursday 17th June - Monday 21st June. I won't be opening this again until November 2021 (and there will also be a price increase at this time). I'm always adding new modules, so by joining now you get access to these new modules at the lower investment.

I'm hosting a live module on "understanding the difference between how men and women date" which will be held on June 22nd at 430pm EDT.

Chicken nuggets:

Trust me when I tell you this, it's an exhale in your body when you're dating and a man understands women, and you understand yourself and men.