You Might Be Emasculating Your Man… & You Don’t Even Know It
For the majority of us women, we want a masculine man. We want the man who’s going to cherish us, sweep us off our feet, protect us, and provide for us. We want our man to desire us, to pursue us, and to dominate us — we want him to be the fucking man.
…but are you letting yourself have that? Or are you emasculating your man and preventing you both from having spicy polarity and true fulfillment in your relationship?
Let’s find out.
Are you too focused on being the “alpha woman”?
Women are more successful in their working lives than ever before. But at what cost? We think we have to adopt “alpha woman” or “girlboss” personas in order to achieve and rise up — but that isn’t the case.
We don’t need to put ourselves into hyperdrive, trying to grind at our work the same way men do, and burning ourselves out in the process. Women have equated success with donning masculine armor and furthering themselves from their natural femininity and feminine flow.
This means that women hold themselves back and they don’t allow themselves (key word: allow) to soften — and that includes softening in their romantic relationships. All too often, women adopt the alpha personality and with it comes anger, resentment, and a dismissive attitude towards their man.
The idea of being a “girlboss” promotes a “it’s me against the world” mentality, and that you need to be fiercely independent to achieve your goals. So then they’ll blame their career, or blame men, or blame society… none of which isn’t true… but personal responsibility is the most important thing. No one is making you be hyper masculine, you’re choosing to wear it as a badge of honor… but for whom?
Reflect and ask yourself some questions
- Why don't you want to let yourself soften?
- What is 'bad' about softening and surrendering?
- What would it mean if you were no longer labeled as a girlboss / alpha woman?
Are you engaging in these common ways women emasculate?
- Making 'jokes' about how he's a kid, doesn't do enough, basically putting down things he does/doesn't do
- Bossing him around
- Asking him for help and then doing it yourself because he didn't do it "right"
- Comparing him to other men
- Not allowing him space/his own time
- Not taking his salary seriously
So, why do we do it?
There are so many reasons we as women emasculate:
Women emasculate men to protect themselves from being hurt or let down.
We do it because we have a story that we're always disappointed by men, and so we have to just do everything ourselves, and the bitterness and anger around this comes out as emasculation.
Our brains as women think if we kinda put him down just a little bit, maybe he'll step the fuck up — but it doesn't work like that.
We do it because we tell ourselves he's not being masculine, so we have to be the masculine one and in control, because someone has to be in control.
We act from our exhaustion, frustration, and anger that we aren’t being led, protected, and provided for in the way that we want to be.
But we need to become a safe place for men to step into their masculinity.
Your femininity can be a muse for him to step into more masculinity. When you embody your softness, warmth, openness, emotions, sensuality, etc., he's going to want to protect that, treasure that, and rise for you.
The feminine is art for the masculine. It's a gift. So be his gift and let your energy alchemize his.
When you shame a woman, she'll often change because of our intense need for community, acceptance, and safety (it's the only way our brains feel like we will survive). Men, they don't need a tribe to survive. So when a man is squashed by you, he doesn't then get motivated to be better. He goes into his turtle shell and retreats.
The way in which you communicate to your girlfriends is different from how you should communicate with him. He has a different brain. He receives information and processes it differently, and so you need to communicate in a way that awakens his masculinity — not in a way that you'd talk to another woman.
Tell him that it turns you on when he's directing you, making decisions, and taking control. Men fear their masculinity these days because of how it's been constructed (everyone just hang tight for my book, listen to my podcast in the meantime) and so you need to make it clear that it's safe for him to take control.
You gotta let him lead you. If you're not in your feminine, he cannot be in his masculine. So, what things support your body to soften, let go and relax? Do them daily ;)
Ask him to make the decision. Tell him that you trust him to do so and that it would be sexy if he just told you when and where to be.
You need to resist the temptation to just jump in and take control. Instead, you need to soften, trust him, and let him be the provider and protector.
Trust the process: polarity in your relationship is achievable.
If this topic resonates with you, check out ep. 314 of my podcast: The Fundamentals of Emasculation: Why We as Women Emasculate Our Men (When Really ALL WE WANT is for Him to Step Up + LEAD US.
And if you’re seeking guidance and want to go all in, my program Be a Lover, Not a Mother, is the perfect fit for you.