Resentment, Responsibility & The Feminine Energy Shift in Breadwinning Women

One of the biggest patterns I see with high-achieving women is resentment—specifically, resentment toward their partner when they feel like they’re carrying all the weight. Whether it’s running the business, paying the bills, or managing the household, that lingering frustration starts creeping in. But here’s the thing: in every resentment, there is desire.

Women don’t just resent the fact that they’re the breadwinner. They resent what that dynamic represents—the pressure, the burden, the feeling of being the one who “has to” do it all. But underneath that resentment is a deep desire for more balance, more support, and more time for connection.

Resentment is sneaky because it becomes addictive. It creates an adrenaline rush, a feeling of righteousness—like, "Look how much I do. Look how much I sacrifice. Why doesn’t he step up?"

It feeds victimhood, and victimhood can feel powerful because it validates our frustrations. But it also traps us.

Maybe it’s not about him “doing more” or “making more money.” Maybe it’s about wanting to feel supported. Maybe it’s about wanting more time for yourself, more space to be in your feminine energy rather than always feeling like you have to be “on.”

A huge part of this dynamic comes from how men and women experience purpose. Men often get a deep sense of significance from providing. Even if they hate their job, even if they feel exhausted, most men will keep showing up because they feel needed in that role.

We all know dads who spent years working long hours, commuting, traveling, and rarely complaining because providing for their family gave them a sense of purpose. And to this day, if you ask them if they’d do it all over again, many would say yes—because putting food on the table gave them a role.

Women, on the other hand? It’s different.

Even if we love our work, even if we’re running million-dollar businesses, we do not get that same fulfillment from “putting food on the table” in the way that men do. We might feel successful, empowered, or accomplished, but it’s not the same deep, primal sense of fulfillment that men experience.

If a woman is working because she wants to, because it lights her up—amazing. But when she’s working because she has to, because she feels like there’s no other option? That’s when resentment starts to build.

We’re not mad at him because he’s not stepping up. We’re mad at ourselves for staying in this dynamic, for not speaking up, for not setting boundaries. We feel “stuck,” and instead of acknowledging that feeling, we lash out at him.

It’s easier to say, Why doesn’t he do more? than to say, Why haven’t I allowed myself to step back? Why am I carrying this pressure alone?

For women who feel like they’re in this cycle of working, providing, running everything, ask yourself:

I’ve had women tell me, Monica, but YOU’RE the breadwinner. Don’t you feel this pressure?

Even though I run the business, even though I pay him through my company, I don’t feel the pressure of keeping a roof over our heads because he carries that responsibility in his own way.

He literally says to me, My job is to make sure YOU never feel the weight of that pressure.

And we’ve talked about it—if I ever wanted to stop working, he would immediately step up, get a job, and take care of things. That safety allows me to work from a place of creativity and joy, not obligation and stress.

A man doesn’t have to out-earn you to be the protector and provider. But he does have to be in that energy, and you have to allow yourself to receive that from him.

If you’re making all the money, managing the bills, making the decisions, and carrying everything, you’re not giving him space to step up.

Let him lead. Let him take care of things in his own way. Let yourself receive.

And we don’t have to.