How to take ownership in an unfulfilled relationship
I want to remind you of something that you have probably heard me say many times over; however, we get stuck in the routine of our lives and relationships, and we forget or we brush off those small niggles. But don't worry. I'll always be here to remind you. Friend, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be well-fucked.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be devoured.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be led.
You're allowed to feel like there is something missing. And I'm not here asking you to find problems where there aren't any. If you feel fulfilled and safe in your relationship, I celebrate you. But, let's be honest, many women do not feel the sense of "I've got you."
There's no safety.
There's no discernment.
There's no direction.
There's no protection.
But let's remember this, too: you have to take ownership and lead from your feminine in order to co-create the relationship that will fulfill these needs. I see too many women go into freeze response, get avoidant, and don't confront the lack of fulfillment until it's too late. And that's often when one person (or both) gets loud. I mean that literally. This is when you have those yelling, explosive arguments. Because that's the only way you feel you will be heard. Because all of this frustration has built up and not been expressed or communicated.
Friend, you have to know not just how to love but how to fight as well. If you witness yourself fall into these explosive, reactive arguments with your partner (or have in your past relationships), I promise you, you are both being triggered and not understanding your own projections of your own trauma. That is a major sign that you still have some healing to face as individuals.
Failure to address and understand your triggers and trauma will manifest quickly in any relationship. It can look like projecting, gaslighting, avoiding, pushing away, seeking validation elsewhere, etc. Basically, it's gonna be toxic, period.
When you heal those deep parts of yourself, you will more easily recognize when you are being triggered, you will understand why, and you will have clarity on how to communicate better with your partner about what's happening inside your heart space. Additionally, you will have clarity on better understanding your partner and their triggers and how to create safety for them.
Learning how to love from a healed space is a long journey that takes patience and also cooperation from both people in the relationship. Having your coping mechanisms play on repeat will not get you there. I recently did a podcast episode on understanding unhealed relationship dynamics. Using pop culture analysis is a great way to understand my teachings in a relatable manner, so go have a listen to the White Lotus Episode | Part 2: Women want to be claimed and wanted, + how to fight well. This episode is great for all genders and relationship statuses, there are learnings for everyone in it.
If you would like more guidance on dating and relationships, keep an eye out for my Men & Money Bundle in August 2023. Make sure you get on the waitlist of either of the programs below:
Additionally, The Embodiment of Dating No2 would be a great fit for you too.