The Drama of Someone Copying Me
Okay, so I have a crazy story to tell you... and let's just say, thank god for my lawyers!!
And make sure stick around till the end for let's some of my top tips for how to be discerning when hiring a coach (and making sure you’re not getting ripped off...)
My phone buzzed one night a couple weeks ago, and it was Olivia (my customer service dream girl) sending screenshots and video proof of someone ripping off Queen Alchemy and trying to market it as their own.
And get this: this was after her and I literally had personal conversations in DMs a couple years ago (I pulled the receipts 💅🏼) about her joining QA. Like, she knew this was mine... but here she was, with tens of thousands of followers, trying to copy me and sell it as her own.
So, of course, we emailed her to ask her to take down the use of "Queen Alchemy" and that we had proof of her awareness of my program Queen Alchemy back in 2020.
She was on multiple of my email lists, so we obviously blocked her contacy, though unfortunately that doesn't stop her from using an alias email, but we had to do what we could.
Much to my surprise, her response just proved her lack of embodiment and integrity. Instead of a simple apology and confirming that she removed everything, she proceeded to be rude as fuck to my fiancé (which also proved that she listens to my podcast/followed my content enough to know my fiancés name and that he works for me).
The bottom line is that someone supposedly teaching about dating and relationships should be a LOT more regulated than this (you'd hope), especially as she's 40 years old. I couldn't even give her the excuse of being young and just not knowing how to behave in a mature way!
Now that I’ve wrapped everything up legally with how we approached that situation, and my lawyers are done with it, I can speak about it a bit more.
And I’m not trying to shit on this person or put any bad juju out there — I’m not going to name names. But I DO think it’s important to talk about this more generally because it’s concerning to me that there are people paying this woman and she’s obviously stealing her marketing (and course content) from other people.
It’s not even her own. She’s not embodying her work, and therefore (in my opinion) she’s deeply lacking integrity. It’s sad, really.
(Side note: remember that there is a difference between flat out copying and being inspired. I'm not talking about being inspired, I'm talking about copying.)
That's why I want to share with you how I am discerning when choosing the right person to work with, how I know whether they're actually good at their job and whether they’re going to get me results.
It’s SO important to really feel into someone and get a sense of who they are and if they are legit — because with marketing, in the age of AI especially, anyone can claim ANYTHING (it’s actually kind of freaky).
You can be whoever you want to be online. So it’s important to do the detective work and go a few steps deeper before investing to make sure it’s legit.
Another reason I’m bringing this up is because I get too many DMs, emails, forms being filled out for different programs, etc. from you guys telling me that you've been working on XYZ for like five years, or you have spent $100k on personal development, and you haven't noticed any changes… and I'm honestly like, “WAIT…. what is happening!?”
It always leaves me with more questions like:
- who are you working with?
- why are they not getting you results?
This is deeply concerning to me.
As I always say: my job is to make myself redundant. And of course for some people that happens faster than others depending on what they have to work on. But I want you to NOT need me. To NOT become co-dependent on me. That's me doing my job.
And as I saw with this woman who was copying me (and she’s one of MANY, sadly), there are people out there that present themselves in one way, but they are NOT that way behind the screen.
They’re absolutely not in integrity with what they are saying or claiming they can help you with — and this is not the kind of person that you want to be in the energy of.
If you aren't aware of this, our energy is very malleable and being around people who are not a vibe can heavily affect your own energy field especially if you are an empath.
So, here are my top tips for turning on your discernment and what to look for before hiring someone:
Tip #1 — One of the number one ways that you can figure out whether somebody is legitimately an embodiment of their work is honestly watching their Instagram stories.
If they only have two Instagram story types —one being reposting someone else's content and the other one is the reel they just posted — this can be a major red flag to me that they either don't know what to talk about / don't know how to educate you, OR their lives are not worth showing to you because they are not walking their talk and thus it's not easy for them to put our aligned marketing.
What are they showing outside of the perfectly curated posts on their feed?? And I want you to take it a step further and FEEL into their energy behind their stories... not just what they’re saying or showing, but how it feels in your body when they’re doing it.
Side note: Of course people take time off Instagram stories — I do too. But you also notice that I am on Instagram stories often. I’m talking to you all the time, I am showing you different pieces of my life, I have a podcast so you can hear me talk for an hour straight (over 350 times loll) and I'm showing up CONSISTENTLY.
These sorts of things can help you to feel my energy, to feel my tone of voice, to figure out if you like the way I talk and teach in “real life,” to decide if you’re inspired by my life or not, and to get a feel for who I am BEHIND my curated feed posts.
This also isn't to say that you need to show yourself taking a shit on the toilet (LOL), because obviously privacy is something that you get to maintain for yourself. BUT, you can still show a lot of your personality and your integrity without destroying your privacy.
Tip #2 — Look for longer form content because Instagram is a tiny 2200 character or a 5 second SLIVER of someone.
So, look for things like YouTube videos, podcasts, even them being interviewed on someone else’s podcast, etc. Hear and feel them talk for long periods of time to feel their energy and check if they know what they’re talking about.
Does it feel warm and inviting when they're talking and are they able to adjust their teachings based on the question/person/situation? Or, does it feel like they're talking AT you and shoving shit down your throat with no space for being flexible?
Tip #3 — If they’ve had a business for a while, is it professional and clearly organized and "finished"?
Or does it look half done and messy, broken links, crickets on their socials, etc.? Especially if you’re hiring someone to help you with business… make sure their business is fcking legit.
Tip #4 — The next one is you need to look for SOCIAL PROOF.
Are people talking about them, their programs, and their work? Do they have raving fans? Or is it… crickets??
Now, if they have a new program, they obviously have no social proof of that program because it's a new program. Duh. But do they have testimonials from other programs that help you see that they get people results and that they are a trustworthy person to pay?
Most importantly with this — NEW TESTIMONIALS!! If they’re using the same ones year after year or launch after launch, that's not a good thing!!! Sure, share old ones that are golden but you also want to see NEW ones regularly popping up if they have an established business.
And if you have a new business and you don't have any testimonials yet (we ALL start here btw!!), YOU ARE the testimonial.
So, what you need to do is answer these questions… Are you sharing your story, your personality, and your life? It doesn’t have to be glamorous, it has to be real. You need to be “walking the talk” and embodying your work, and SHARING that so people can actually realize you are the real deal. If you are hiding a bunch of sh*t or just not living in integrity, and therefore you can't show this “proof”... then that’s something to check yourself on.
Tip #5 — Do they show you their life and share specifics of things, or do you have no idea what their day-to-day life is like?
If they're not sharing, then how do you know they're in integrity of what you're paying them for?
Tip #6 — Consistently showing up!!!!
Are they giving to you, talking on stories, adding value to your life, and sharing bits of their life with you?
Listen, I get it that it can be scary to invest in people / programs these days because of shady people and the ridiculous scams out there. That stuff is real, and your fear is valid!!
But one of the greatest things about social media — even though there can be sooo much smoke and mirrors — is that you really do get to feel into who someone is before you hire them.
You can sniff out the bullshit and figure out who is legit by tuning in and cultivating this level of discernment (if it’s hard for you to feel your intuition, then let’s heal your trauma in Queen Alchemy and/or the Immersion!!!), and if you dig a bit deeper beyond just pretty photos and captivating words.
FEEL into it. Look for the proof. Trust yourself and seriously follow all of these steps before hiring me too!!! I dare you! 😉
…I literally can’t hide anything at this point — so ENJOY the digging LOL! 🕵🏼♀️
You owe it to yourself to be discerning, so I hope you put these tips into use!