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191: Breakdown of the Netflix show YOU (part 1) | What's fucked up about this show

191: Breakdown of the Netflix show YOU (part 1) | What's fucked up about this show

You guys all loved my SexLife series and asked for more podcasts in this style! So you asked and I've delivered ;) This time I'm going to be chatting about You season 3 (if you haven't watched it yet, this will include spoilers!)


In this ep I dive into:
☽ The exacerbation of violence towards women, that "men aren't safe" and that women are afraid of trusting men
☽ The proliferation of the societal norm that "women are crazy"
☽ Why these shows can be damaging to your subconscious
☽ The measles storyline
☽ Childhood wounding, control and feeling safe
☽ What made me really fucking angry
☽ Trauma bonds and the search for 'the one'
☽ Rage and the ability to express healthy anger

Firstly, I didn't love the last episode where he cut his toe off. Wtf, that was not needed and safe to say it traumatised me for the day. Secondly, I didn't love how this series exacerbates violence towards women, that "men aren't safe" and that women are afraid of trusting men. Joe comes across as a good man that (as a viewer) it can seep into your subconscious and make you worry - is this a Joe situation I'm getting myself into?

Obviously in season 3, it was violence from both men and women, but it also proliferates the societal norm that "women are crazy" because it's safe to say Love is bat shit crazy. All in all, I feel like the show can be very damaging for people that already believe that relationships are psychotic, women are crazy or men are unsafe.

The measles episode pissed me off. I wonder how many people stopped watching after this episode and the anti-vax stuff.

It's very clear that Joe was abandoned and witnessed some abuse in his childhood. He's searching for love from a passive women that he can make feel safe and control, because when he was a child he wasn't able to make himself feel safe, or protect his mum. So now he's over the top trying to protect as an adult. A very common with inner child wounds, is that you will either act out the same as your parents or you'll do the complete opposite (until you do the work to come to a happy medium). Joe being in control, makes him feel safe. He has this void that he's trying to fill. When you feel like you've filled it, it gives you this illusion of I am safe and I am loved. This is the quest that he is on. Love is on a similar quest of wanting to be seen, loved and enough because she didn't feel that from her mum when she was a child.

Joe is on the search of 'the one'. His idea of the one is a passive women that will always give him what he wants, he will never be looking elsewhere, she will always do what he wants and he'll never be put in a difficult situation. It's a trauma bond. He's on a search for the biggest trauma bond of his life. This is a never-ending search because trauma bonds never end well. If you haven't listened to my episode on trauma bonds, do!

We know that Love grew up in an idyllic family, but we also know that she wasn't able to express herself. This means she has no emotional capacity or awareness to be with her own rage, anger, fear and expression. So the result is, she has these emotions bubble up and murders because she doesn't know how else to express herself in a healthy way.

Love is also very impulsive in a very dangerous, unhealthy way. She's so reactive that she doesn't think before she does anything. She blacks out with rage and has no ability to run through her emotions, to compartmentalise, and she acts before she thinks.

Also mentioned in this episode:

⇢ Read the blog version of this episode:

⇢ The Man:

⇢ Be a Lover, Not a Mother:

⇢ BTS Bubble:

⇢ Join the waitlist for my NYC event:

⇢ Join Queen Alchemy: