Real Talk About Being The Breadwinner As A Woman

Navigating the territory of being a female breadwinner brings up so much – especially as it’s new territory for so many of us. We’re among the first generations of women earning significant income, and this shift influences dynamics in our relationships, often in ways we’ve never seen modeled before.

For a lot of us, making money has brought on this instinct to guard what we earn. I know I had to work through that early on because it was like, "I’m making this, so why should I have to share it?"

When it comes to men, they’re often wired a bit differently around money. For many, making money brings a sense of purpose because it's tied to their instinct to provide and protect. So, when they’re earning, there’s a natural inclination to share, to spend on the person they love, because that aligns with what makes them feel valuable. As women, however, we don’t generally want the responsibility of providing. We want the freedom that money brings – the vacations, the dream house, the luxury. It’s less about sharing it and more about enjoying it.

This dynamic becomes especially significant for women making a lot of money because it can unintentionally impact how we approach dating or even marriage.

When women hold financial power in a relationship, there's a potential to unintentionally emasculate their partners, using income as a way to prove power or control. But making a lot of money doesn’t have to mean taking over all the financial responsibility or paying for everything. I mean, I’ve never paid for a date with my husband, even when we were at fancy spots like the Ritz Carlton. And trust me, I could have. But that wasn’t about proving anything; it was about letting him step into that role and not using money as leverage.

The truth is, being a breadwinner doesn’t mean you can't stay in your feminine energy or have a balanced relationship.

Just because I make more doesn’t mean my husband isn’t proud of me – in fact, he’s incredibly proud. The notion that a man’s pride in his partner is tied to her income relative to his is off base. Any man worth your time will be proud of you for who you are and what you achieve, independent of how much either of you make.

People often assume that being a breadwinner must bring a lot of pressure. While that’s true for some women, that’s not my reality because I’ve designed my work and life in a way that feels aligned and fulfilling. I’m not worried about how we’re covering our bills or if I can take a step back if I want to. I run a business I love, and I’m able to stay in the work I adore, which is where I thrive. My husband does a ton behind the scenes, handling logistics, daily tasks, and taking on all those things that free me up to do what lights me up.

 When I’m in that space, focused on the coaching, creating content, marketing – the things that genuinely fuel me – making money becomes almost effortless.

Our approach to money in relationships is all about balance. It’s about embracing the joy and freedom money can bring while still allowing our partners to feel valued and important. Whether or not you’re the breadwinner, having a partner who supports you, takes pride in you, and is aligned with your values is everything. So, if you're in a similar position, remember: you can be a successful, high-earning woman and still allow space for your partner to take care of you in ways that feel amazing and empowering for both of you.

Action steps:

• Discuss money roles openly with your partner. Share what each of you wants to feel in the relationship and how you both prefer to handle finances, ensuring both of you feel respected and valued.
• Identify the aspects of your relationship that light you up versus the ones that might add stress or pressure. Lean into what makes you feel fulfilled, while also allowing your partner to step up in the ways that suit his strengths.
• Notice any beliefs or habits that might be affecting your dynamic, like needing to guard your money or hesitating to let your partner provide in certain areas. Reframe them to create a partnership based on shared values and mutual support.