How to Stop Mothering Your Man and Start Turning Him On Instead

There is nothing sexy about feeling like you’re mothering the man who’s supposed to be turning you on. But that’s where so many women find themselves—not because they want to mother their man, but because their nervous system doesn’t trust him to lead, and it shows up in the most subtle of ways you’ve probably normalized in your relationship by now.

Do any of these sound familiar?

• Reminding him of what he said he’d do.
• Double-checking everything.
• Just doing it yourself because it’s “easier.”
• Giving him feedback that’s really just a polished form of control.
• Holding the weight of the relationship and then resenting him for not helping more.

If you're here reading this, I think I can safely assume that you’re tired of being the responsible one, of having to initiate everything, and of holding the freaking mental load and trying to stay sexy and feminine. You say you want him to lead, but when it comes down to it, you don’t feel safe letting go. And that’s the real block.

Because you can’t be in your feminine while you're still white-knuckling the steering wheel for dear life. You can’t surrender while gripping for control. And you can’t expect to feel deeply wanted when your energy is mothering instead of magnetizing.

So if you want to feel like his lover, not his mother, this is where it starts.

To have a fulfilling sexual relationship with your man, it is important to treat him like a lover rather than controlling him like you would your son.

If you do not trust him to take care of himself, he will not be taking care of you in the bedroom in the way that meets your needs. Instead, he will be waiting for you to make decisions and take care of everything because you've allowed him to think and behave this way. 

And we can't put all the blame on men for this because we have accepted lax behavior and, in fact, encouraged it with so many of us going into our overactive masculine energy. For what? To prove a point? To make them think we're strong?

How's that working out for you? Are you feeling safe, happy, loved and deeply desired in your life? Or are you chasing after a high that's never obtainable?

I know you think you’re helping him by mothering him, but really, you’re saying you don’t trust him. You’re not trusting that he’s a MAN who can lead. Instead, you’re treating him like he’s a boy that needs his mother to lead him.

The moment that you stop controlling him, correcting him, and being the only one to carry the mental load, will be the moment that you create the energetic space for him to step up and lead.

The energy of a lover is one of appreciation, support, and devotion. It is possible to be nurturing and supportive while still being a lover, not a mother. Being a nurturing lover means taking care of your man because you want to, not because you have to. And sometimes this means letting him make mistakes so that he learns on his own, not by being bossed around by you.

Grounded, secure, masculine men will have integrity, devotion, and leadership to support this type of dynamic. But be aware that insecure situations or relationships may bring out the mother energy in you as you are desperately trying for your nervous system and heart to feel relaxed, claimed, and safe.

A man cannot lead you if you do not give him the space to. You cannot be happy in your life unless you choose to live differently. And you will never feel fully safe with someone else until you feel fully safe within yourself.

So, here's what you do to stop mothering your man and start turning him on instead.

Have boundaries and self-respect. 

Boundaries with ourselves and with others create a deep sense of internal safety that allows us to feel safe in letting our man lead us because we know how actually to put our foot down and when we need to say “no.”

Unfortunately, many women have not felt the power that comes with actually feeling safe in saying no, and the autonomy that that gives them.

By knowing that you can speak your truth, it allows you to surrender and let go to his lead because you trust yourself to speak up when you need to speak your truth and when you don’t want to follow his lead, for example.

Feel safe letting go of control.

You need to feel safe in your body to let go of control. Most women walk around with large amounts of resentment, rage, anger, bitterness, etc, and this eventually causes us to completely disconnect from our bodies. We lose trust in ourselves, we cannot feel our intuition, and we absolutely do not feel safe in letting go of control.

It’s often the dichotomy that we find ourselves in; deeply wanting to surrender but not actually being able to loosen the grip on things or people. We get a false sense of safety in thinking that we are in control because, for many of us, we’ve had past instances or trauma that have left us feeling out of control.

As a result of this past that has not been healed, we continue to seek control over people and things. We think it’s making us happy when in reality, it actually deeply disconnects us from our sense of alignment.

Feel safe receiving from him.

You need to be able to receive his leadership. You might deeply want him to lead you, but when it actually comes to it, do you feel safe receiving it?

So many of us have programming around not trusting men, feeling weak when we are not in a state of hyper-independence, and just feeling like we have to abide by “feminism” and societal conditioning that we all know is making us miserable when we actually tap into our hearts.

One of the number one things women struggle with when it comes to letting their man be in his masculine is actually receiving him in this state. For many of us, our body does not feel safe in doing so, so we repel it.

And if reading all of this feels like a lot, that’s okay. You’re not broken. You’re not doing it all wrong. You’ve just been in survival mode. You’ve been protecting yourself the only way your nervous system knew how—by staying in control, by over-functioning, and by carrying the weight in your relationship.

But now that you’re seeing the pattern for what it is, you actually have a choice. You can start shifting this by feeling safe enough to stop doing it all.

The version of you who gets to soften, receive, and feel deeply held? She’s not far away. She’s already in you. She’s just been buried under the pressure to hold it all together.

If you're ready to be his LOVER, not his mother, then start with my masterclass, How To Have Him Lead You, to figure out how you're c*ckblocking yourself from letting your man lead, being in your feminine, and fully feeling safe in your magnetism. And, of course, learn what to start doing so that he actually CAN lead you!!! This class is full of nuggets that you can implement straight away, and your relationship will feel it immediately.