How to Have a REAL Relationship

In this era of endless scrolling through social media feeds, it's easy to fall into the trap of believing that everything you see and hear is the norm and it's true.

This can affect our entire lives — especially relationships. We hear people say XYZ behavior is toxic, and we say, "yup, ok!" and buy into it. 

But consider this: are we really learning how to be in our own relationships, or are we inadvertently trying to fit into someone else's narrative?

Our social media feeds are saturated with discussions about narcissism, divorces, what’s empowering, etc., and it's crucial not to take is as gospel and to actually reflect on our own experiences.

Ask yourself this question when you start seeing people discuss toxic relationships: “Have I genuinely been silenced and walked all over, or did I neglect to speak up, draw boundaries, or express myself?”

It's tempting to consume information that validates our concerns, whether it's about a partner's behavior or the state of a relationship. The danger lies in hyper-focusing on issues that can be found even in the healthiest relationships (if you go looking for them and hyperfixating on them!!).

Social media, while a source of information, often lacks the context and depth necessary for understanding the intricacies of real human connections.

And let's face it, relationships can be messy! There will be times when both partners exhibit less-than-ideal behavior. The key is to avoid rushing to label someone as a "gaslighter" or a "narcissist" based on isolated incidents.

Acknowledge that we're all imperfect humans capable of being less than our best selves from time to time. I mean, I’m sure you’ve had your moments of “red flag” behavior as well, but that doesn’t mean you’re a problem or it’s an awful relationship – it means you're human.

Remember: isolated and infrequent moments don’t characterize an entire relationship!

So, how do we navigate the complexities of relationships without falling into the trap of labeling and blaming?

One approach is to assess how we feel in the majority of cases with our partner. Are our disagreements rooted in differences that can be resolved through open communication, or do we face a fundamental clash of values?

Plus, it’s so, so important to evaluate whether we've effectively communicated our needs and concerns. Often, issues persist not because our partners are inherently toxic, but because we haven't had a genuine conversation about them. Have we given our partner the opportunity to understand, acknowledge, and work on the issues we've raised? (ps. hoping he notices your feelings or sweeping them under the rug helps no one, ladies!).

With any relationship, if moods, stressors, and opinions collide, conflicts are inevitable — they’re gonna happen and that’s just life. It's when conflicts are stifled or ignored, and resentment grows that real problems arise.

Resentment is how you kill a relationship, as it will quietly grow and spread if you don’t deal with it head-on. So let’s communicate, right?

And let's avoid falling into the social media narrative trap. Instead, let's approach our relationships with nuance (which social media lacks), empathy, and a commitment to open communication.

So, the next time you find yourself questioning your relationship based on a social media trend, take a step back, reflect, and communicate. Social media doesn’t know YOUR relationship, you do.

I think this is SO important for everyone to think about, and I go even further into this topic on the podcast. Here's the episode for you: 333: The Reality of Real Relationships [Not Just What You See On Instagram].

xx Monica

PS. If you're seeking the healthy, sexy, and fulfilling relationship you've always dreamed of, you'll want to check out these programs:

• Queen Alchemy will help you heal your trauma and get into your feminine energy
• The Embodiment of Dating is for you to understand the biology of dating, and be in healthy relationships 
• 3 Day Immersion will allow you to heal what's causing you to create unrealistic expectations for yourself and your partner, feel safer in your body independent to him and soften into your feminine.