Breadwinner Mum Guilt: When You Love Working And Love Your Kids

I had a call recently with one of the women who joined Soft & Ambitious, and it fired me up.

She's a chiropractor, and we were having an amazing conversation about how she loves getting her nails done. By the end of the call, I could see clearly the monumental load she is carrying and the push-and-pull she feels between being super successful AND being a mother of three.

The main thing we need to talk about that stood out from our conversation is that what she is feeling, many of you are also feeling. It's the fact that she loves being successful, but she also hates this feeling of having tied so much of her self-worth to her success.

She goes after these massive goals and will achieve them; then she enjoys it for about three seconds, and then it's just writing on the wall, and she's onto the next thing. And of course, she doesn't want to lose that.

She loves being of service to her clients, achieving amazing things, and growing, but she also is so sick of feeling like nothing will ever be enough.

It's the internal sense of hollowness, especially when, to the outside world, it looks like you have everything, which only further reiterates this feeling of not feeling safe to actually be vulnerable and share with people that you're not deeply happy and fulfilled.

Like, "Who am I to share that I'm actually not living my dream life even though I make hundreds of thousands of dollars a month and am one of the best in my industry??"

That is a sense of loneliness that other high-performing women inside of Soft & Ambitious get.

Psst...if this conversation is resonating with you, you'll love this super juicy podcast episode. ↓

And then, of course, you couple this deep desire to achieve and grow with also the deep desire to be a present mother to your children.

You're dealing with mum brain even 20 years on. You feel the constant push-and-pull between wanting to be at your desk, but also wanting to sit on the floor with your child(ren) or listen to your teenager talk about their day. You want to be less reactive when your teen is going through the hormonal chaos of a 15-year-old, but you also feel like you have ZERO fkn capacity.

Where is this conversation and support for high-performing working mothers who LOVE to work and also LOVE being a mother??

I feel like the conversation is always so black and white.

One person is telling you that you need to sacrifice your career because you'll f*ck your child's brain development if you aren't there 24/7, whilst another is telling you that you're basically weak and soft if you don't put your career first, just put your kids with childcare, and realise that "no man would be worried about this."

OKAY, BUT WE'RE NOT FKN MEN???!!!!!!! Our brains are not men's brains. Our brains have been rewired as mothers. So, hence 20 years on, you still can't remember what you went downstairs to get or the word for a BLUEBERRY.

Then when someone chalks it up to "well, a man wouldn't be worried about this," or "a man wouldn't have mum guilt"—it's the most invalidating and unhelpful "advice." I don't give a f*ck what a man would or wouldn't do.

What does a high-achieving working MOTHER want to do?

And this is why I'm so passionate about helping so many high-performing mothers. Because whilst big changes happen in our brains and we are dealing with big emotions at home, we can use this to our advantage in our careers:

•  A stronger intuition (when you feel safe hearing, listening, and following it)

• Being more creative

•  Incredible problem-solving skills

• Laser-sharp focus and discernment
  
  

And I'll tell you what...there is no greater employee than a mother.

If this resonates with you and you're looking for a room with other high-performing women and mothers who are healing their trauma in a way that WORKS (because talk therapy isn't getting rid of their triggers), feeling safe to rest and soften into their feminine without losing their ambition, and increasing their capacity without 300 tools they don't have time for...Soft & Ambitious is for you.

It is application-only, high-touch, and 9 months long on purpose. It is designed with busy women and mothers in mind so you can have human moments, life can happen, you can go on your European summer, and you can tap out for a bit, knowing that I and this space are here for you when you return.

This takes the pressure off you (hello to your perfectionism 👋🏽) and allows you to get the most from this time with me.