Staying in Your Feminine as a High-Achieving Woman

The “just flow into your feminine” advice is keeping you stuck. Feminine energy advice is everywhere, but it misses the whole point. Most of it is surface-level, telling you what to do rather than helping you feel safe enough to truly be feminine.

The feminine energy industry (I don’t know what else to call it, but you know what I’m talking about) doesn't want you to know this.

I’ve been doing this work for 9 years—long before “nervous system,” “trauma healing,” or “feminine energy” were buzzwords. 

And here’s the major point most are missing: For there to be feminine energy, there has to be masculine energy. The feminine cannot exist without someone else or something else being in control, having direction, a plan, structure, scaffolding, etc.

So, in order for you to feel like you can even fathom softening into your feminine, you need to feel safe in the presence of the masculine. And many women don’t, because of programming and micro/macro trauma that has taught them to always be on guard.

I dive deeper into this in this juicy podcast episode, and highly recommend giving it a listen! ↓

There are two things I see in common among all the highly successful women I work with and how they’re in their feminine now:

• Because of the trauma healing work, they feel SAFE to be in their feminine.
• The masculine structure we’ve built in their life allows them to soften into their feminine.
  

For example, I was solo parenting recently, and saw how easy it could be to slip into the masculine from being overstimulated and on edge. But I didn’t—because of the masculine structures I’ve built in my life.

Now, listen, you don’t need a man to be in your feminine. But you DO need the masculine. There's a major difference there. Without the masculine, there is chaos—and the feminine won't feel safe to be fully in "her flow."

We all know that if someone else doesn’t have control, then we will be in control. That’s a biological safety response—but it doesn’t mean we want to, or have to, be in it 24/7.

Being in your feminine isn’t about becoming some fake version of yourself. 

It’s not about what you DO...it’s about the ENERGY behind it. You can work 10 hours a day and be deeply feminine if it lights you up and fills you with joy.

What I see far too often is women trying to tick off an arbitrary checklist of “feminine traits”:

• Wear flowy clothes

• Always lead with love

• Never say no

• Let everyone else make the plans

• Follow your intuition 24/7

• Be soft, open, and nurturing at all times
  

Adding more to your to-do list to "make you feminine" just piles more onto your already overwhelmed to-do list (not to mention your nervous system), and puts you into masculine "doing" mode.

When you heal the trauma, you don't have to TRY to be feminine. You just are.

Femininity isn't something that you have to coerce yourself into—it’s something that you come home to as your baseline because it’s naturally your essence as a woman. Once you feel safe enough to stop needing to protect yourself, you don’t need to try to be feminine—you just are.

You could be running a company, leading a team, making decisions all day… and still be deeply in your feminine. If that lights you up, if you feel in alignment, lit from within, at home in your body… then you’re in your feminine.

That’s me. I’m the breadwinner, I run a global company, I travel, lead a team, launch offers, make fast decisions, host events, and am a mother. And yet, I am deeply in my feminine (and my husband is in his masculine).

So you don't need to bake bread or wear boho clothing to be in your feminine (hello to me 12 years ago lol).

What you do need is to heal your pain around the masculine, and the belief that your feminine energy blueprint—softness, receiving, getting into your body—is weakness. Once you do, being in your feminine isn’t about trying—it’s about coming home to yourself.