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Trauma

My Glow-Up: Healing Trauma to Now Thriving

My Glow-Up: Healing Trauma to Now Thriving

I was crying as I put this reel together (click here to watch). 

 

Because I remember the days sitting in my bed feeling like I was in a prison cell. The PT sessions where I'd start bawling because of how much pain the metal in my knee was giving me. Feeling helpless as no one would take my ankle pain seriously (I found out later after I kept pushing for a doctor to look harder, that they didn't pick up on a 3-degree sprain in my ankle, causing a huge amount of scar tissue to form). Feeling so angry at my body for not being able to remember how to walk.

 

The duality that this moment in my life caused is fascinating. It was the first time I was forced to look at how much my "Miss Independence" was harming me. It forced me to receive and to let go. It forced me to ask for help and actually to express my needs.

 

It meant some people left my life, but the good ones stayed. It made me stronger than I've ever been because I broke down my walls.

 

The strength I have today is 100x what I used to have. And my strength isn't the false strength I used to have in the form of suppressed emotions, detachment, and resentment.

 

My strength is emotional maturity, a regulated nervous system, deep self-confidence, asking for help (because I don't have to prove my worth to anyone as I'm **not ** insecure), healing my trauma, being my DREAM self, and knowing I can do anything because I've done it before.

 

I ignored my trauma and wounds and pushed and pushed even though my body kept trying to tell me to slow down. So eventually, it broke. Funnily enough, it was my left leg that had the 7-hour surgery, muscle cut off the bone, and nerve damage (and the left side of the body is the feminine side of the body). I was FORCED to give attention to my feminine. I'd spent so long idolizing discipline, achieving, hustle, high stress, push push push... that I had ZERO connection to my softness, emotions, tenderness, sensitivity, etc. In fact, I purposely shoved those parts of myself down as I thought they were 'bad' in the eyes of 'women's empowerment.' It's uncanny how sometimes empowerment can actually cause suppression.

 

The reality is that when you ignore something, you don't make it disappear. It's still there. It festers and WILL turn into a physical manifestation. There is now an overwhelming amount of research showing the link between cancer & emotional suppression, MS & people pleasing, being the martyr & heart attacks — the list goes on.

 

And whilst I'm grateful that this happened to me in my early 20s, and so I was forced to go on this healing path, many others don't learn this or confront their shit until they're 60 and SICK.

 

The version of me that I used to be is the polar opposite of who I am now:

  • I went from cold bitch, to warm woman.
  • Emotionally tapped out, to tune into her body and needs.
  • Suppressed her desires, to having her desires known and met.
  • Never asking for help as help = weakness, to asking for help because she doesn't need to prove her strength.
  • Working for validation, to working because it's her purpose here on earth.
  • Wearing burnout as a badge of honor, to wearing my internal glow and relaxed body as a badge of honor.

 

Your body cannot keep shoving shit down. YOU deserve the freedom you want. You deserve a relationship that makes you weak at the knees. You deserve a body that you feel connected to. You deserve to feel safe in speaking your truth. You deserve to feel seen and wanted.

 

Whilst you may tell yourself "I can do this later" when it comes to healing... can you? Can you really keep affording to shove it to the side? What is it going to cost you to keep going like this? Why wait? Be honest — "later" is never going to come. The time is always and forever, NOW.

 

xx Monica

 

Need help working through your own trauma so that you can come fully into your feminine? Queen Alchemy will turn your life ON and transform the rest of your life. Have questions? Don't hesitate to email support@monicayateshealth.com