How to NOT be a People Pleaser
People pleasing is a tendency you desperately want to shake but don't know how? This one is for you, friend.
People pleasers grew up in an environment where they learned to fear rocking the boat in any capacity. In this environment, there were strong consequences for speaking up, so you learned it's better to keep the peace. Always keeping the peace causes long-term stress of bottling up emotions. This bottling up of emotions can turn around later in life as an adult and bite you in the a$$.
In the long run, suppressing emotions can display itself through gut issues, hormonal issues, anxiety, depression, OCD, and brain fog - all debilitating (IYKYK).
But other than having physical symptoms, how do you know if they could be related to people pleasing?
Well, do you identify with any of the following…?
🚩 Struggling to say 'no' to others
🚩 Feelings of resentment towards yourself or others
🚩 Taking things off of other people's plates to keep the peace even if you're already overwhelmed
🚩 Difficulty and fear of setting boundaries
🚩 You feel like you've been taken advantage of
🚩 You feel like a doormat
🚩 When you are in a situation where you need to speak up or offer your opinion, you go into a state of discomfort and overwhelm, and it feels like your throat is closing up
If you relate to anything I just listed, it's time to put it to bed.
You can start with these journal prompts:
- When was the last time you felt let down? Feel free to list a few situations. Get specific!
- What were some situations where you felt afraid of being rejected, neglected, abused, told you were crazy or wrong, or any time you felt like you had to appease someone else to feel safe?
- Can you identify moments in which you reject yourself? People pleasers often reject their beliefs, desires, and values. Creating awareness around how you reject yourself is a powerful tool. We all want to be loved and accepted. When did you abandon your own values to feel a sense of belonging
- Last one… Write down a list of your core values. Then re-write the above situations as the version of yourself who embodies those values. How would that version of yourself handle those situations? Re-write these parts of your story.
The problem is most of the issues we need to work on are all compounding. For example, you cannot work on people pleasing but neglect your gut issues. Most things are correlated.
First name / Babe if something in your life keeps repeating itself for ten years, even if you've been working on the issue for the last ten years, if it's still showing up, you're not fixing the root cause! My coaching takes a holistic approach. We need to look at both the brain's AND the body's responses to things.
My question for you is... Do you want to heal it? Do you desire to feel confident with setting boundaries and feeling so self-secure that you no longer worry about what other people think? You can desire this AND be afraid of what that would feel like. I get it. It's okay to be afraid when you start working with a coach. Fear is good IF you are aware of it.
Self-awareness, however, is NOT enough. You need to take steps towards actually healing your sh*t.
If you're ready to take those steps, a great place to start would be my Boundaries Masterclass.❗️Caveat: if the thought or idea of drawing boundaries sends you into a total state of overwhelm, you need QA or 1:1 coaching first.
Feel free to reach out if you have any questions, just email me at email@example.com.