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216: How we can support the men in our lives
Today we are talking about how to support the men in your life. Whether it be your uncle, colleague, partner or father, it doesn’t matter. It is so important to support not only the women in our lives but also the men and the way to support men is different from the women in our lives. If you have listened to my podcast or follow me on Instagram you will know that we (women) are not the same as men, sometimes we forget this and we care for our men in the way that we would like to be cared for. It is so important for us to know about the opposite sex and understanding them just makes your life so much easier.
LISTEN TO EPISODE 216
The number one thing that I love to say to men is ‘I want you to know how much of an amazing man you are.’ I swear to god, you are going to make his life! This really hits home for them, they feel like they are succeeding in your eyes. Men feel like they need to earn their masculinity whereas women are just given their femininity in society. When you constantly emasculate men, they feel like they are continuously being stripped of the very thing they are trying so hard to achieve.
Here are some other things that our men want to hear more of:
You are a great businessman.
You’re an amazing father.
You are such an incredible boyfriend, I am so grateful for X, Y and Z.
I want you to know that I am proud of you and proud to be with you.
Men want to feel like they are received by you. If they are doing things for you or saying nice things to you, let them know that you are receiving it. Women can feel each other, we can feel a girlfriend receiving us and feeling chuffed about something we have said or done. Men don’t read body language and so words of affirmation are key.
The next thing you can do to support the men in your life is give them space. Even when a man is obsessed with you (which I hope is the case, don’t settle for less) he still needs space sometimes. More so when a man has a lot on his brain, generally speaking, a woman’s presence is a distraction. Your beauty, your essence, your feminine energy and the way that you captivate him is a distraction. Men don’t want to feel like they have to be the man and also deal with their own shit at the same time. They would rather have space to process, clear that and then step up and be the man. Allowing space does not mean that he is leaving, that you are asking him to leave or that you don’t want to speak to him. Allowing a man space or giving him breathing room even if it’s just for two hours will make him feel so supported and understood by you.
Another way to support the men in your life is to ensure you are creating a safe space. I don’t mean in a spiritual or deep self-development way, that can seem really inauthentic and actually repel people. It can be as simple as saying ‘Babe, there is no judgment here, say whatever you need to say.’ You need to not jump down his throat when he is talking to you. Men feel like they have to squeeze themselves into a box and stay silent because they fear being publicly shamed and ridiculed and their whole life going down the drain. The thought of saying something mildly incorrect and then a woman going to down and this getting back to his place of work is enough to make him completely silent. If he was to lose his job, he would lose everything because a man’s number one thing that is needed in life is passion and fulfilment. Listen to your partner with the ears of love and understand that he is trying to love you, please you, be enough for you and that the chances of him saying something with the intention of being mean is pretty slim. If he says something that upsets you, tell him and tell him in a loving way. ‘Hey babe, I think I know what you meant but the way it came across to me was really mean, is X what you meant? Because it came across as Y.” I guarantee he will say that is not how it was meant to come across and your relationship has just gotten deeper and healthier from the communication. No judgment also includes their emotions and what they are going through. If men feel like they will be belittled and judged when they come to you, they will not come to you. This is why the suicide rate is higher for men than for women because they fear that seeking support makes them less of a man.
Men have struggles and women have struggles but the problem is that women’s problems are celebrated and men’s problems aren’t even spoken about. Women need empowerment but so do men.
I’d like to finish with this question that you can ask to support the men in your life:
“Is there anything I can do to make today more productive today, honey? Anything I can do to take something off your plate today?”
We put everything on the plates of men but there are seasons where the men in your life need help. There is still equality within the relationship but both of you will go through times when you have less or more on your plate, it is about acknowledging that and being supportive.